MY BOOTLEG TOP TEN LIST 
Volume 1
By Black Mercury

Written December 1997
Updated January 2000

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'RE A SAILOR IN TROUBLE:

10) Tuxedo Mask/Kamen doesn't save you 
9) You start to smell sulfur
8) Your cat guardian gets hit by a cyborg
7) You can only throw pink sugar
6) Your guardian cat steals your man
5) The other Sailors are disguised monsters
4) Ike Turner shows up to save you
3) Your leader exchanges your team for a donut
2) Naru/Molly gets saved, and you don't
1) You begin to hear that ominous "Fatality" music from 
Mortal Kombat

TOP TEN REASONS NOT TO DATE A SAILOR SENSHI/SCOUT:

10) She'll bring Luna/Artemis/Diana with her
9) She'll beat up the cook if her food isn't ready in five minutes
8) She orders all of the flambe dishes just to talk to fire
7) The NegaVerse will target you
6) She won't go dutch
5) She spends the entire date on her VR computer
4) She flirts with the busboys
3) She'll order off the children's menu
2) She'll say that every guy looks like her old boyfriend
1) She'll go to the bathroom, use her pen to disguise herself,
sneak out of te restaurant, go to the video arcade across
the street, and leave you without even a kiss goodnight

TOP TEN THINGS SAILOR VENUS DOES IN HER SPARE TIME

10) Plays Foxy Brown's CDs ("Ill Na Na and "Chyna Doll") 15 times a day 
9) Makes fake pledges to PBS
8) Rotates her hair weave 
7) Works on her Angela Bassett Web Site
6) Switches Raye's Crow's food with Pop Rocks
5) Writes Street Fighter Fan Fics
4) Plays Nintendo 64 (Killer Instinct Gold, especially)
3) Gives Artemis a belly rub
2) Watches "Clueless" re-runs
1) Three words: OLYMPIC STYLE FLIRTING!!

TOP TEN HOBBIES OF THE WEIRD/AYAKASHI SISTERS
10) Power jogging
9) Writing fanmail to Jenny Jones
8) Trying to get a glimpse of the Wiseman on the crapper
7) Flirting with Construction workers
6) Visiting SWV Web Sites
5) Getting makeovers from Katzi (Cooan)
4) Burning Birdie's (Beruche) Chess set 
3) Slapping Avery around (Calaveras)
2) Eating Chocolate Marshmallow Ice Cream
1) Watching "Waiting to Exhale", then setting Rubeus's clothes on fire

ALAN/AIL AND ANNE'S TOP TEN HOBBIES

10) Binging on Raisinettes
9) Ogling people in the "Frederick's of Hollywood" Catalog
8) Opening up Woody Harrelson Fan Clubs
7) Harassing Girl Scouts
6) Crank-calling Anna Nicole Smith (a la Jerky Boys)
5) Burning down Starbucks
4) Quilting
3) Flirting with military officers
2) Buying Miracle-Gro for the Doom Tree
1) Ricki Lake-a-thons

TOP TEN POSSIBLE VILLAINS

10) Marky Mark and Vanilla Ice
9) Lil' Kim
8) Bill Gates
7) Al Sharpton
6) Master P
5) Any of the Wayanses (Kenan, Damon, Kim, Shawn, Marlon)
4) The Spice Girls
3) Eminem
2) Susan Powter (The Crazy "Stop The Insanity" Lady)
1) Puff Daddy